


Gather Ye Rose-buds While Ye May

by Hellaphandom



Category: City of Bones, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cute, Existential Crisis, Fluff, Happy Ending, Happy Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Love, M/M, Mortality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:53:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7043299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellaphandom/pseuds/Hellaphandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus and Alec has a heart to heart about Magnus having to watch Alec grow old and die. (Bittersweet or happy ending)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gather Ye Rose-buds While Ye May

**Author's Note:**

> I read the poem that's included in class the other day, and it screamed Malec to me so I had to write this fic! Hope you enjoy!

**Gather Ye Rose-buds While Ye May**

Magnus is tired of not sleeping. He’s tired of doing the “right thing”, the sensible thing, the _mature_ thing. But that’s exactly what Magnus should be: mature. After four hundred years, one would expect that Magnus would be inclined to chose the mature option. And for the past 150 years or so, being an adult has been perfectly acceptable.

In the past year, however, Magnus’s outlook on life had taken a complete 180, and that’s why Magnus can’t sleep.

Magnus has been in love a hundred times, and he has gotten used to losing his companion to jealousy, breakups, and even, on rare occasions, death. He’s accepted the nature of his relationships and learned to enjoy the time that he has without worrying about the time after his lover leaves him.

The best part is, that fooling around works! Sometimes he fancies himself in love, but before long he realizes that mortal people change, but that he doesn’t. Before long, the feelings fade with the person until they become dull, fond memories in the expanses of Magnus’s recesses. Magnus doesn’t feel cheated out of happiness by the imminence of a partner’s death, because, let’s face it, _forever_ with one person is terrifying! Even to the High Warlock of Brooklyn, immortality can be daunting, and being stuck with one person for a thousand, or even two thousand years is not something that appeals to Magnus.

At least it didn’t used to.

As Magnus stares at the beautiful, renaissance style painting on the ceiling of his bedroom, he is hit with the realization that for the first time in 400 years, facing forever does not seem nearly as daunting when he’s holding Alexander Lightwood in his arms. Magnus looks down at his young, fragile, mortal, _perfect_ shadowhunter and feels a tear slip out of the corner of his eye.

Even after months of being together, Magnus is still amazed every morning when he rolls over and finds that Alec is not a dream, but that their relationship and the perfection of their love is real.

Tonight, looking at a sleeping, peaceful Alec, _his_ Alec, Magnus feels more love than he ever imagined possible. For the first time in his long life, Magnus understands what love songs are about, and he knows why people “can’t live without” their partners. With an aching chest, Magnus wonders if soul-mates are real.

Magnus’s heart swells, and his silent tears fall faster as he thinks about the future of their relationship. Magnus tries to imagine Alec in his twenties, his fifties, even his nineties, as Alec’s scars fade to thin invisible lines and his jet black hair fades to grey. Magnus tries to imagine Alec’s strong arms lose muscle until he is no longer able to draw his bow, and he tries to picture Alec’s clear blue eyes glaze over with cataracts and age.

 Magnus has never wanted to age along with someone as badly as he does at this moment.

**Never before has Magnus _wanted_ to die. **

One of Magnus’s hot tears falls from his face onto Alec’s forehead and Magnus holds his breath hoping not to wake his peaceful boyfriend. Unfortunately, Magnus is not that lucky. Alec’s shadowhunter nature has taught him to be very light sleeper, ready to wake up and rush off to a fight, or in this case, comfort a crying boyfriend.

Alec begins to shift under the covers, and he lifts his head, wiping his bleary eyes with a closed fist.  Magnus briefly considers sending Alec back to bed with a snap and playing it off as a dream in the morning, but its too late: Alec’s crystal blue eyes have reached Magnus tear riddled feline pupils, and the sight of his crying boyfriend wakes him immediately.

“Maggie!” Alec breaths, “what’s wrong? Talk to me, sweetheart.” Alec’s hand is on Magnus’s face, wiping away the tears, in an instant.

Magnus just shakes his head and leans into Alec’s gentle touch, biting his lip. Somehow everything hurts more, even with Alec’s comforting hand oh his cheek. He is just reminded that Alec’s hand wont be there forever.

“The only other time I’ve ever seen you cry is during that mundane show _The Notebook_.” Alec says, eliciting a teary chuckle from Magnus’s lips, the forced smile quickly falls from Magnus’s face, however and is replaced by devastation. Alec’s eyebrows knit together in concern as a sob escapes Magnus’s lips, twisting his fabulous features and shaking his body.

“Oh, Mags…. Come here, love.”

With gentle, but strong arms, Alec draws Magnus into his lap and rubs his back lovingly. Magnus feels like a complete fool. The High Warlock of Brooklyn has been reduced to a crying lump in his boyfriend’s muscular arms. Alec doesn’t poke fun though, or take advantage of his opportunity to be the emotionally stronger in the relationship. _No, Alec is too perfect for that_. Magnus thinks.

Similarly, Alec doesn’t push Magnus to talk before he’s ready; he waits patiently, rocking Magnus back and forth, and understands that Magnus will only talk when he wants to.

“I love you so much, darling, you’re so perfect” Magnus cries out, burrowing his head in Alec’s broad chest to hide his flushed face and bloodshot eyes.

“I love you to, Mags. You know that, but I’m not sure I understand why that matters right now.” Alec whispers, blushing as he always does when Magnus is particularly affectionate.

Magnus is always quick to express his love at random times just to remind Alec that he is loved, and most of the time, Alec does not question it. Tonight, however, Alec assumes that there are more important things to address that deserve more immediate attention than expressions of love. Alec holds Magnus’s chin between his in thumb and for finger and turns the Warlock’s face towards his.

 “But don’t you see? That’s all that matters, Alexander!” Magnus shifts so that he can look Alec straight in the eyes. He tries to convey his sincerity through his face but when it becomes obvious that Alec does not understand he surges forwards and connects their lips. As always, both men melt into the kiss, exploring each other’s mouths with their tongues. Somehow someone’s hand is in the other’s hair and for a short moment everything is perfect. Magnus reluctantly draws away and leans his forehead against Alec’s.

 “I. Love. You.” Magnus chokes out, trying hard to to start sobbing again. “And that’s all that matters anymore, don’t you see? I wake up wanting to talk to you, I can’t go through 10 minutes without being reminded of you in some way, and I can’t sleep anymore unless you are in my arms! But now I can’t even sleep when you are in my arms because that’s not the even worst of it!”

Magnus sits up and runs his hands through his ruined hair, sighing as he tries to compose his chaotic thoughts in an understandable way. He takes a deep breath and continues in a tension filled voice:

“Alec, someday you are going to realize that you are moving on with your life and that I am holding you back. And on that day, you are going to have a decision to make. You will either stay with me and be miserable, or you will leave, and I will be miserable. Either way, it will kill you and it will be all my fault. So instead of making you choose when that day comes, I am going to have to chose for you, and I will leave: breaking us both, but saving you from a lifetime of being held back.”

Alec opens his mouth, tears welling in his eyes.

“Let me finish! But to answer your question, no, I am not breaking up with you, I’m just describing the inevitability, because you are going to die one day, and I don’t want you to be stuck, connected to someone who looks 18 when you are 90. That’s not fair to you and I can already imagine your face as I walk away, I can already see you aging, and I can already picture you dying.” Magnus grits his teeth, “but that’s not the worst part. The worst part is the universe doesn’t care at all. It doesn’t care that you are mortal and I’m not, and it doesn’t care that leaving you will kill me!”

Alec sucks in his breath and struggles to form the thoughts that are swimming in his head. He wrestles with finding gentle words, the _right_ words. Mortality has always been a touchy subject in their relationship; the last time that Alec had tried to solve the problem, Magnus had sent him packing, literally. Granted, Alec had gone about fixing things in the wrong way, but that doesn’t make this conversation any less uncomfortable. Plus, Alec still isn’t entirely sure that Magnus isn’t trying to break up with him.

“Mags… we’ve talked about this.” Alec tries to swallow the lump in his throat, but he knows that it’s not going anywhere. “I understand what’s going to happen and I’ve made my peace with it. Your life is yours, just like my life is mine. I count myself lucky that we overlap for the small amount of time that we do. Don’t worry about me, my beautiful Magnus.  I’m okay, I promise, and I will be fine aging without you, as long as you stay with me. I don’t care what people think, I only care that we are together for the time that we can be. I messed us up once about it, and I never want that to happen again—“

 “You don’t understand, my sweet Alexander,” Magnus whispers, interrupting Alec “I know that _you_ are okay with it, and I thought that I was too. God knows that I’ve been in enough similar relationships to know how to deal with this, but yet, I’ve realized that _I’m_ not okay with losing you, and for the first time in all my years, I can’t face the thought of living without you.”

A silent tear slips down Alec’s cheek and he sucks cold air between his lips as he realizes the meanings behind Magnus’s words. Alec has never imagined that he was different than any of Magnus’s other lovers or that he meant more to Magnus than they had. Tears fall onto the crying men’s clasped hands and Alec is glad that the darkness of the night obscures the pain displayed clearly on his face.

 “I know we are both thinking it, so I might as well say it. There is a way for me to give up my immortality so that we can grow old together….” Magnus trails off when he is reminded of what started his sleepless night: the mature decision.

Alec slowly nods trying not to show excitement at the prospect. A decision like that is one that only Magnus can make, Alec understands that now.

“But,” Magnus sits up straighter and leans his head in his hands, “wouldn’t that be selfish of me?”

 _Selfish?_ Alec, confused, knits his eyebrows together and silently asks for clarification, not wanting to interrupt Magnus’s train of thought.

“I mean,” Magnus continues, “I’m _High Warlock of Brooklyn_! Isn’t it selfish of me to give up on the city, mundanes, downworlders, and shadowhunters alike? I save lives Alec! that’s my job, and I do it well, but if I allow myself to age and die like I so dreadfully want right now, how many people am I giving up on? How many children? How many families? How—“

Alec cuts off Magnus’s ramblings with a tender kiss, silencing the worries. Magnus melts under Alec’s touch and responds to the soft kiss with enthusiasm.

Alec draws back and gazes lovingly at his boyfriend.

“I love you, Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn.” Alec leans back down and slips his lips between Magnus’s before continuing, “I love you so much it hurts, and seeing you upset—well, it kills me inside. I can’t help you with your decision, no matter how much I want to. This is yours and yours alone, but I will do anything that I can to ease the burden. Now lay back down, its 3:00 in the morning, and problems tend to seem a lot smaller when we have both gotten enough rest.”

Magnus is far to tired from crying to argue and he settles into Alec’s strong arms. His head rests on Alec’s chest and their legs tangle together comfortably. The slow rhythm of Alec’s breathing calms Magnus until he feels safe.

Alec kisses the top of his head, “when I was struggling with these ideas, do you want to know what I recited to myself?”

Magnus nods, eyes closed.

Alec begins weaving his finger’s through Magnus’s soft hair, and with a clear, low voice, Alec begins to utter a poem:

 

            “ ‘To Make Much of Time’ by Robert Herrick,

 

_Gather ye rose-buds while ye may,_

_Old Time is still a-flying;_

_And this same flour that smiles today_

_Tomorrow will be dying_

_The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,_

_The higher he’s a getting,_

_The sooner will his race be run,_

_And nearer he’s to setting_

_Then be not coy, but use your time,_

_And while ye may, go marry;_

_For having lost but once your prime,_

_you may forever tarry”_

 

Alec leans down a presses a kiss to Magnus’s closed eyes.

“One day Mags, I will be food for worms, but I have to make the best of every moment that I have. My time is fleeting and so you have to make the best of my moments as well. Carpe Diem, Magnus Bane, tomorrow is still a long way away.”

Alec closes his eyes as Magnus nuzzles his deeper into his boyfriend’s warm chest. Slowly, in a hopeful voice, Magnus sleepily replies,

“Maybe one day I will be food for worms with you….”

 

Alec can’t think of anything better.

**FIN**


End file.
